With a new “Matrix” movie out, I decided to have some fun and incorporate a Matrix theme into today’s comic. Drill Sergeants are known for having little bits of snappy one-liners and odd tidbits of quasi-philosophical insight boiled down to little catchphrases. They’re typically just sound bites and bumper-sticker type things, many times denigrating but sometimes meant to be more motivational.

They also make snappy fortune cookie tidbits, too. Or at least they are comparable in form.

I can only assume that at the Drill Sergeants Academy, they are taught a bunch of these little phrases and one-liners, or given a sort of menu to choose from. It is probably a course taught to them, with a catchy title such as “Haikus of Hate” or something like that (although neither fortune cookies nor Drill Sergeant one-liners are done in Haiku form, the alliteration is too good to pass up).

Some of the simplest Drill Sergeant one-liners are some of the best. “You’re moving like pond water!” was pretty effective for me, since my young mind seized upon the visual of calm, still pond water and gave me something amusing to contemplate as my physical body was being pushed around. “You’re gonna do push up until *I* get tired!” was another amusing/terrifying thing to contemplate. These were some of the easiest to remember; there were more that faded over time.

As a side-note, fortune cookies were never a Chinese tradition or even invention, but something created in American Chinese restaurant culture. The more you know!

So does this mean that the entirety of BOHICA Blues takes place in the world of the Matrix, and Joe, Juni, and everyone else are actually kept in stasis pods and washed in the occasional nutrient bath of deceased & liquified workers/batteries? Not necessarily; perhaps it is one of many potential alternate worlds. I just decided to have fun with it, just like how the Devil makes periodic visits to distribute random tortures.

Stay safe and enjoy your fortune cookies.