I tell you what, radios in the Army are my Kryptonite.

Radios have to be programmed before use –fed a bunch of information and codes and stuff– and I’ve been shown how to do it a million times, and I swear that each time it is completely different from the last time.

And then, when you can get the darn things to function correctly, I can’t understand a thing being said. It all crackles and pops and distorted squawks and whispers to me.

My assumption is that there is a secret cadre of people that just speak like this, naturally. And the Army finds who these people are and puts them in positions where they have to use radios.

In our Flight Operations section, we have people that work in the MOS (Military Occupational Specialty) called “15P” or “15-Papa” in the phonetic alphabet (I am a 35F, or 35-Fox, and used to be a 12B or 12-Bravo). Their job is to handle flight operations– scheduling flights, monitoring radios… it’s not like Air Traffic Control (that is very different and more technical) but for an unfamiliar person that may be the best comparison.

These 15-Papas talk on the radio all the time, and I swear they’re chanting incantations while performing Nirvana karaoke at the same time. And so are the people on the other end of the radio transmission.